Firstly, let me apologise for the terrible title. I had a very early morning coupled with a rather late night and am not feeling my wittiest. Now that’s over, let me begin.

I was talking to my mother about foods I remember from my childhood the other day. “My peanut roll?” She said hopefully. “My vegetable crumble?” She offered, as I shook my head, part apologetic, part pitying. She even went so far as to tenderly wince “My sausage and mash?”, which we all knew came straight from a Linda McCartney box. I do hold vague memories of making apple and blackberry crumble after long August days picking berries in the bushes of Dorset, but my most vivid nostalgia falls to another glorious dessert- that of the do-it-yourself ice lolly. I believe I spent the duration of my youth naked in my back garden with a plastic stick covered in frozen juice clutched in my pudgy hand, dripping onto the cat-urine stained lawn and my mud covered wrists (I have always had quite the penchant for playing army-man). As I was celebrating my day off this morning with a cheeky Fanta in the sun, I began to to lament. I miss that fruity frozen delight, confusing my mouth with the severe contrast to the outside temperatures, with an added bonus of not being full of chemicals and hyper-colours usually reserved for corner shop treats, so I did a little research and found these fun moulds from Luckies in the shape of rockets.

Simply pop your juice of choice in, leave in the freezer for an hour or two, and you have lift off. It won’t make you feel like a sophisticated grown up, but that’s what smartphones and  work commutes are for.

http://www.luckies.co.uk/product_details_29_2_ice-rocket-lolly-making-kit.html

I am a dog lover by nature. I love them all, from the Westie to the Whippet, the Bulldog to Basset Hound. They enrich my life in every way. However, due to my live/ work situation, I am not permitted to get one, and as I wouldn’t lock a family member in a confined space for nine hours a day, I wouldn’t do it to mans best friend. I am permitted, though, to watch all 12 hours of Crufts, which I have spent the last few days getting through (thank you Sky+), and spend time in sunny Chiswick where every second person seems to own the most friendly pooches in the whole of the capital. I spent last Saturday afternoon in a pub next to Kew Bridge surrounded by carefree canines, trotting around the riverbank giving every passerby a sniff, and it was glorious. I envy dog owners over this land, but not to the point that I look at them with disdain- I thank them for being able to share their pets with those that are unable, and wish to show them something I came across whilst browsing the   wonderful internet. The moustache dog toy.

A British child at heart, I believe in two things in life; fake moustaches and dog joy, which I’ve heard are common fancies among many members of the public. Therefore someone would inevitably think to combine the both, and the results are a masterpiece. I haven’t seen one in person, so if a resident of Chiswick happens to like the look of one and gets one for their pup, take a stroll by the river on a sun-filled day and find me. I promise will laugh for hours.

http://thirddrawerdown.com/shop/product/R-MPMOUSTACHE/

Apologies for my truancy, folks- but as the saying goes, good things come to those who wait. And oh golly gosh damn, is this one a cracker.

I’ve found the things that excite me are the most simple of objects, as the seemingly mundane is bound to surprise one more. I’ve also believed that everything you buy shouldn’t just be for practicality (though it is an essential factor), but should also be the best, whether in aesthetics, originality or general specialness. And so I put forward to you the Blackwing 602, aka “The Best Pencils In The World”. I’ve never been one for pencils really (aside from a brief stint during my Design A-Level), thinking that it was the talented hands that made magic with whatever tool they chose. However, I was terribly wrong. Grasping one of these wooden delights in my stubby paws and gliding it across a scrap of paper, there’s a noticeable difference to any other pencil I’ve happened to come across. They’re made from a supremely soft lead, allowing supreme smoothness rivaled by no other- both John Steinbeck and Chuck Jones swear by them, and when they were finally discontinued in 1998, the going rate on eBay was £30 per pencil.

Discontinued, I hear you cry? Fear not! They have been returned to us, new and improved, and available only at Pedlars (where you can also buy the BEAUTIFUL notebooks that accompany them). I’ve got mine- time for you to get yours.

Available exclusively at:

http://www.pedlars.co.uk/page_4844.html

For many years now I have suffered. I have blistered and bawled, screamed and squirmed, the whole time wondering “why me?” as I roam around stores in a rage, cursing every item I see from a bird eye view. It’s the cross I must bare as a lady; I am defied the one (semi)-natural indulgence that is bequeathed to all those of feminine disposition, due to something completely out of the realms of my control. I have wide feet, and I curse them to hell on a daily basis. It’s not that I’m particularly frivolous or obsessive when it comes to shoes- on the contrary, I rarely wear heels, and mainly stick to a strict diet of Converse or black boots that I’ve been re-buying since fourteen. However, sometimes it would be nice to have a bit more variation. My feet resemble a ducks (without, of course, the webbed feet and a few more toes) and trying on shoes is literally trying to get an equilateral triangle into a rectangle. It’s like being in nursery again, watching the one poor soul that desperately attempts to shove the wrong shaped block into the right shaped hole. It’s not going to happen. You just want to tell them to give up now; anything logically based is not for you- trying colouring instead. You could be the next Picasso.

Last year, however, things changed for me. I found solace in the humble hug of Flossy plimsolls. They genuinely feel like a duvet is hugging your toes.

They soothed by aching feet, took away the pain from by bones, and I have been eternally grateful. In a variety of colours they can spice up your life (and most certainly this dark and dreary winter), though I’m partial to the navy ones for a casual nautical feel. If you live in Spain they sell these everywhere for about €3, but if not, relax, as they’re still very much affordable from their website.

http://www.flossyplimsolls.co.uk/plimsolls/view-all-products

Ah, the accessory. As a female of the fanciful variety, I like to adorn myself with trinkets from up and down the land. For the lady it can be a more feminine way of presenting her conquests. Whilst strapping lads had their war medals pinned to their breast exhibiting their well-spent time, the damsels had their brooches. No longer is it a mere practical piece who’s only job is to hold fabric together- they’ve taken on a life of their own, delighting the masses with their simple ways that never make you look fat. Whether an heirloom passed from daughter to daughter, a treasure found at a local car boot sale or an extravagance thanks to Mr Plastic, the brooch has fundamentally ingrained itself into the hearts and lapels of the British woman, due to its cunning ability to swiftly adapt. The sneaky sparkle looks just at home nuzzled on the chest of a Barbour in the country as it does parading on a blazer in a city bar, though this Tatty Devine number is perhaps more suited to the latter in theme.

A literal badge of honour, there never has been a more opportune time for displaying your passions proudly, whether it be gin or some other playful figure. Pin on a picture and try not to be freaked out when you notice people staring at your mammary glands. They’re actually just admiring your bravery and chicness. Probably.

http://www.tattydevine.com/shop/by-product/brooches/gilbert-george-enamel-gin-brooch.html

P.S. I’m not really one for sharing links where you cannot buy anything, but I am desperately in love with all of these, especially Queen Mary’s Kensington Bow Brooch. http://royalexhibitions.co.uk/queens-jewels/queens-brooches/

As you may have guessed, I do like a good kitchen accessory. I think I find such pleasure in them as a) they’re most likely to be simultaneously beauteous and useful and b) they help complete that kitchen idyll. It’s supposed to be the heart of the home, where the family gathers and the whippersnappers are fed. I can picture it now; stone floors, huge wooden table, mismatched wooden chairs, roses from the garden shoved into jam jars about the place, and my future four children and husband wolfing down a lovingly made stew all in their faded tea dresses and tweeds, and summer forcing its way in through the open windows. The only real trouble I have with this image is that I am not living it now. Humans are an impatient breed, and I very much live up to this characteristic. So what can be done to satiate the thirst? I have taken to slowly gathering bits for the scene; a cookbook here, a biscuit tin there- just bits and bobs to keep the dream alive. Next on my fantasy list is this recipe box.

Handcrafted, these dear things are all made from salvaged wood, and come with cards inside to write down your recipes in (separated neatly into sections for you Monica Gellars out there). It’s just the sort of thing you can imagine frantically flipping through before an impromptu dinner, or passing down to your daughter. I can imagine it only gets better with age (as most things do) ensuring a culinary keepsake for you to have for years to come. I’m going to get mine now, so when the time comes for summery Sundays with spouse and spawn, I shall be thoroughly prepared.

http://www.couvertureandthegarbstore.com/Product/?p=4624&i=4974

I’ve often thought of salt and pepper as the Ant and Dec of the seasoning world. You can’t have one without the other; salt alone leaves you sprinkling a little on your hand, slightly mumbling “is this sugar? Where’s the pepper? It must be sugar.” It’s not sugar. You now have very sweetened fish and chips. And pepper just looks strange by itself- black lumps that look lonesome without their flavoursome counterparts. It’s not possible. It’s weird. I defy you to find a table in a public place that readily offers up pepper and not salt. If you do happen to find an establishment that does this, run. You shouldn’t be there as it’s obviously owned by the deranged. There must be salt and pepper together forever, and anyone that contradicts this is a danger to society.

So does it not seem necessary to put them in something interesting? Something so frequently used, laid out for all to see and quite often kept forever (one very rarely has the thought “Oh, I must get some new salt and pepper shakers”) should be worth and investment, but yet, people always seem to overlook them. No. Don’t. You needn’t. They are ALWAYS on your table. You will ALWAYS use them, so they might as well be nice. I recommend these from David Shrigley. He understands the necessity of a whimsical table statement, as I hope you do too.

Always an entertaining surprise at the dinner table, this set will infinitely make your life better. I would completely confirm it but I don’t want to be sued.

Go condimental at:

 http://site.politecards.com/collections/objects/products/salt-and-pepper-shakers-by-david-shrigley

I’ve given you the greeting card, and so now I present to you these saucy little numbers. While you may have to suffer when embarking on covering your gifts (I’m talking about lumpy corners and tearing tape with your teeth), you need not be a slave of the tedious.         Wrap your bounty in one of these retro prints to rather spice things up. The lovely people of Crumpet & Skirt sell vintage inspired Pin-Up Girl printed goodies, but today I shall share my love of their paper.

On offer is a variety of different colours that will be sure to pay tribute to what I’m sure is a wonderfully chosen token of affection inside.

Become a wrap superstar at: http://www.crumpetandskirt.com/candsshop/prod_1166663-Pin-Up-Wrapping-Paper-Mixed-Set.html

…there’s still no need to get out of the kitchen. After all, cooking is a dangerous business. There’s blenders, their blades glistening ominously; there’s boiling water bubbling threateningly in mismatched pans, and there’s even that sneaky box of cling film that I give myself a paper cut on everytime. The most common of injuries, however, is from the oven. The instant scent of edibles upon opening the door causes me to forget about hot metal and half wrap my hands in a solitary tea towel in attempt to manoeuvre the dish towards my face. Lifting it from it’s tray, it all seems to being going so well, until physics hits your hands with surprising gusto. Simultaneously shying away from the agonising scorch and trying to catch it for the benefit of your growling stomach, you scream “Woe is me! Why oh why do I not have any oven mitts,” all the while acquiring angry red lines upon your sensitive paws.

Well scream no more little mama.

Presenting Stuart Gardiner‘s Glove & Hate oven mitts. Forever blistering up your digits?Save yourself the hassle! Too scared to get a real tattoo? Not a problem. Simply tape them onto yourself if you have a whim to be badass. Whatever your intention is when wearing these, you shall be safe and sublime.

Fight the fire at:

 http://www.stuartgardiner.co.uk/oven_mitts/glove__hate_oven_mitt_pair

Oh, the greeting card! You may spend hours in the shop, ruthlessly judging each greeting, attempting to find an acceptably amusing one. If you’re very lucky, you find Cliff Richard singing upon opening. Chuckling at the sound (good old Cliff), you step left, hopes high, and eventually opt for a mock-50′s photography with a mildly entertaining comment below it. Well, brethren, you need not spend your hard earned pennies on these wildly common cards anymore; I suggest Stickmen™, which holds itself high with that simple wit that I hold very dear to me.

Based around stick figures, there’s multitude of variations that can be sure to give joy to the recipient.

They can be bought in packs of ten (or individually in independent card shops across the land), and it gives me pleasure to give you the address here:

http://www.santorographics.com/shop/set-of-10-stickmen-cards.html

These harsh winds are treacherous. The gale has been terrorising my nerves quite constantly over the last 48 hours- a stroll in Hyde Park with the dog today very nearly cost me my life. But what is to be done? Wrap yourself head-to-toe in rags in some desperate bid to be saved? Hibernate like some elongated, supersized bald hamster, refusing to venture out until the air has stopped making each individual look like Pocahontus (this is a reference to leaves flapping around her person as opposed to her tendency to befriend racoons). These are not feasible options for the brave and the busy. We must stroll out into the breezy abyss- and so I here present to you one small weapon when rebelling against nature’s rejection of your outdoor existence. Introducing (though it has been around for quite sometime, so probably more just letting you know of my affections) Molten Brown‘s Protecting Vitamin Lip Saver.

I have searched high and low for a worthy lip salve to help me through these dire winter months, and this is the one that will work. Made from honey and beeswax (and, inevitably, a couple of other delicious ingredients), it goes on thick with minimal shine or visibility. Its sole purpose is to keep those smackers silky, and it most certainly fulfils it’s mission. I keep one by the bed to slather on overnight and one in my handbag for fighting. I will laugh in the face of the wind, through my perfectly moisturised mouth. Join me. http://www.johnlewis.com/84990/Product.aspx

I’ve not got a green thumb myself, but I do appreciate a good garden when I see it. I’m partial to the wilder ones, meadows speckled with poppies, a forest floor littered with bluebells, dilapidated cottages covered in wisteria. However, I’m a London girl with around five square foot of balcony, so wild meadow flowers may be difficult to come by in Notting Hill. What I can suggest for the perpetually fresh-air-lacking Londoner are these beauts from Graham & Green; they’re heavy as hell but delightful in a clustered outdoor corner. They come in sets of three in different sizes, and also come in a lovely pink pattern. Placed inside or out, all you need now is to remember to water them. Done deal.

Feeling Blue:      http://www.grahamandgreen.co.uk/turquoise-plant-pots

Tickled Pink:     http://www.grahamandgreen.co.uk/vintaged-rose-plant-pots

First of all, I would like to wish all of you the happiest of New Years. Second of all, I’d like to tell you how much I hate rain in London. I am visually impaired, which does allow me to wear an assortment of fun specs, but they are definitely not good when the heavens are spitting in your face. Droplets stick to your lenses, and you’re forced to try and find one bit of totally dry material on you to rub them off lest you’re blinded by moisture. There’s also the issue of having dry hands; I think this is an essential human right, as when it’s raining and your only natural tools get wet, disaster strikes. You become a pathetic Midas; instead of everything you touch turning to gold, it turns soggy. Not the best plan for life, and living in a notoriously wet city, one must be protected from such perils.

ENTER GALLERIA, the most beautiful collection of umbrellas I have ever set my drowning glasses on.

They’re absolutely huge, allowing not an inch of you to be exposed to the elements, and also have a nifty little button that disallows any of that pushing-against-the-wind-waiting-for-the-click drama. One press of the finger and it expands in front of you, a beauteous protective bubble, dispelling water with extreme nonchalance. They also have ‘unbreakable fibre glass ribs’, so none of that lopsided drama. I couldn’t choose on that I love the most so I thought I’d put up four examples. I have the blue flowery vine one above and in real life it’s yum central.

Go forth and keep dry. http://www.galleria-us.com/FashionUmbrella.php

Kitchens always have some sort of fancy, newfangled gadget being injected into them. From the Soda Stream to the microwave, to the toastie machine to the coffee maker, the kitchen, more than any room in the house has the broadest range of ever-evolving and new goods. On this note, I’d like to show you the wonders of Joseph Joseph, who make a handful of very nifty kitchen utensils, such as the flat pack cheese grater. If you’re stuck for space like me, they can be very convenient to slide into a thin drawer after fulfilling all your grating needs.

My other favourite product is that of the ‘Chop2Pot’- a chopping board that, when you pick up by the handle, folds the sides of it so you can easily slide whatever you’ve been massacring into the pan without anything falling out of the sides. I honestly don’t know what I did before it but I’m sure it involved plenty of stray carrots.

For your culinary cravings, go to: http://www.josephjoseph.com/shop

These are in my top 5 favourite things to put on a wall. These magic little framed playing cards spell out an assortment of words. I think they’re super charming; I have one above my bed stating “darling”. They stock them in a few different places, but the largest collection I can find is from Selfridges. My mother has this one perched on her windowsill, delightfully stating the obvious. Quite small in size, they’re a sweet little feature in any home.

 I haven’t seen this Poppins-inspired one in person, but it made me smile from my sofa.

For more, visit: http://www.selfridges.com/en/Home-Leisure/Categories/Home-accessories/Prints-signs/?ic=19832&mrf=Category

These are pure fun. I stumbled upon these toys in a Christmas fair a few months ago in a whirlwind of mince pies and baubles and purchased one instantly. They’re little globes with entire cities on them, all notable landmarks included. Perfect for a desk or mantelpiece, I bought one as a gift for a Cambridge dweller, and it seemed to have gone down rather well (as a novelty item though- don’t use it as a map as the wrap-around effect will have you thinking Shoreditch Church is next to Kensington Palace). They do most major cities in the UK, USA and some other cities, such as St Petersburg and Sydney. They also come in the form of Night Lights which I find rather adorable indeed.

For more information or to hold the whole world in your hands, visit: http://www.globee.co.uk/categories/United-Kingdom-Globes/

I know what everyone says; owning scented candles is the 21st century version of owning cats for the lady that lives alone. Well let me just say, if that is true, I am a scent-loving-spinster and damn proud of it. I’ve built up (and burnt) quite an extensive collection. I can even now see nine dotted around my living room in a variety of different shapes, sizes and smells. There’s one to suit every mood; when I have people round, I light a hyacinth & lavender one for it’s freshness; over the Christmas period, I’ve been lighting an orange and cinnamon candle for it’s festive fragrance.

Though you’ll never know if which you prefer until you stick your schnoz in the thing, I thought I’d limit your options by showing you my burning bests. Forgive me for not giving you a description of each one- I ain’t no fragrance writer. The links will do a far better job with that. All I can tell you is that they are scrumptious.

1) Miller Harris- Terre De Bois

http://www.millerharris.com/candles/terre-de-bois-scented-candle.html

2) The White Company- Pomegranate

http://www.thewhitecompany.com/candles-and-scents/candles/pomegranate-signature-candle/

3) Diptyque- Gardenia

http://www.diptyqueparis.co.uk/gardenia-candle-213.html

4) Kew Royal Botanical Gardens- Sandalwood

http://www.spiralsfairtrade.co.uk/At-Home/Candles-and-Incence/Kew-Garden-Candle-in-a-Tin-Sandalwood/prod_535.html

5) Archipelago- Monogramed Candles (My favourite, egotistically, is H- Hyacinth and Lavender)

http://www.austique.co.uk/Product_Catalogue/Bath_And_Beauty/Candles/Archipelago_Botanicals_Monogram_Candles_ID_154_1104

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Forever an enthusiast for pets dressed like people, Colonial Soldier offers up cats and dogs dressed as notable people of history, and for this, I could not be happier. I’m a canine craver myself, but a puss dressed as the Mona Lisa sent me into a state of severe giggles. Most of the dog cushions are designs by my beloved painter Theirry Poncelet, who’s done things to a West Highland Terrier with a paintbrush that one can only dream of.  Also note the excellent captions beneath the thumbnails by the owner of the website- hours (or at the very least, a few minutes) of fun to be had.

The website also holds other eccentric treats aside from these merry pieces, from taxidermy to a large assortment of hand carved wooden delights. I particularly like the “Unique English Gifts” section, full of quirky little bits and bobs that I’m rather desperado to find a place for in my home.

To browse or buy, go to:   http://www.colonialsoldier.com/2/

Hark, are you wrists looking bland? Trying to find a way to spruce up the ankles of the upper body? Then feast your eyes on these sublime little trinkets from the wonderful people at Elkin. I’m a huge, huge fan of them, due to my only slightly worrying obsession with skulls (I received what I believe to be a deer skull, incidentally, this past Christmas and it’s hung prime position next to my fridge now- but I digress). The variety of jovial rich colours available reminds me of kids friendship bracelets, though these are perhaps more suited to the Wednesday Adams’ of the world than the Hannah Montana’s due to the nature of their charms (unintentional double meaning alert). Even as I type, my Dynasty Green “Count Your Confessions” bracelet is jingling and boy, it’s such a sweet, sweet sound.

To get your hands on and eventually in some of these babies follow the link: http://www.elkin.bigcartel.com/